teaching in Phuket

oct-

  Teaching at a Bilingual school, I share my classroom with a Thai woman named, “Teacher Phun”.  I found it strange during my job interview, when my soon to be employer warned that my new translator was as , “ disagreeable as bile”.  Upon introduction, I noticed her gait and posture was similar to a JLo impersonating orangutan.  During my first week of employment, I overheard her shrieking like a feral animal at my 7 year old female students for  "being as loud as the night whores of Patong Beach!" My initial plan of action was to stay out of her way by not revealing that I spoke Thai, but bursted out a, “ Are you freaking kidding me” after the woman accosted a boy on not completing his assignment with, " is the problem that you have a tiny penis"?  blew my cover.  Lately, I’ve decided that working together will cause less problems.  My tactics of brown noising have included calling her Beyonce while playfully slapping her booty, watching various home videos of her bulldog licking her husbands face and bribing her with Pepsi Cola.  All my efforts eventually were rewarded when she bought me a dress and straight-ironed my hair when she was meant to be teaching class one day.  When little Popui asked, " So what should we do now?", Teacher Phun delicately smoothed out my stubborn cowlick and screamed, " eat a pencil Popui”!

  Now that I am  her new best friend, she told me about her old  western boyfriend  .  They were in a physical relationship because as many of us know all too well, knowing each others language is not a prerequisite for rolling like thunder under the covers .   She said that she eventually bored of their lack of communication and desired to award his skills with positive reinforcement.   In Thai the word, "mun" means "that feels good"  But the direct English translation of " mun" also means potato.. So as they are bumping uglies,  she moans,,,"potato.....mmm....potato, POTATO" !!!!!